Central Park

Central Park

Friday, January 17, 2014

Why-O Why-O

When I was 16, I lied about my weight to the woman printing my driver's license.

"130!" I said, hoping she didn't notice the quaver in my voice or the extra eight pounds that were, at the time, hidden in my calf muscles.

Five years later, when I renewed my license prior to my 21st birthday, the clerk didn't even ask - she just printed the 130 again. She clearly didn't see the extra pounds that had migrated to my hips, or she simply didn't care.

Today, I lost that 130 pounds. The category doesn't even exist on New York state licenses.

So long, Ohio license

I had to switch my license over, because it expires on my birthday, as do my car's plates. After putting it off for as long as possible, I went to the DMV after work today. Fifty-six minutes, two forms and $60.75 later, I was a New Yorker.

Watch out, world: I can buy booze again in 7-10 business days.

Does this new identity give me an obligation to be belligerently impatient as I wait for the bus or train? To run into people without apologizing? To - oh, God - cheer for the JETS?

People from Ohio have a reputation for being nice, hardworking and down-to-earth. Our biggest failing is how nerdy we are. Our vote matters. I like being from Ohio.

Last spring, I expressed a desire to bake cookies for a neighbor who had just moved into my building. My co-worker responded, "You are so from Ohio."

Even though my driver's license says otherwise, I think that's still the case. 

When I lived in Pittsburgh, I wore Browns gear.

The hardest place to wear your colors

I once attempted to skip a Notre Dame SYR dance to watch the Indians in the playoffs. As we sat on the bus, waiting to take off, my mom texted me that Travis Hafner had hit a home run (This was before smartphones and MLB.tv). The bus driver, at the same time, announced we were leaving for the dance. I started to cheer for the Tribe. Everyone else joined in. 

Living in Florida for Halloween 2012 , I went as Ohio. 

I carried a euchre deck in my pocket.

I don't think anyone will hold it against me for identifying myself as an Ohioan, license or not.

If only they'd believe me if I said I weigh 130 pounds. 

No comments:

Post a Comment